I feel like a total mess. I am a total mess. I have no discipline, no time management skills. I can’t concentrate on anything. I spend all my time with my online friends because I’m happy when I do that, but I still feel like I’m cutting myself off from the outside. But that could just be a reaction to feeling like I have already been cut off? I just don’t know anymore. I wish I had a reset button more than anything. But I don’t. And I can’t wait to leave for the semester and start all over again. Maybe I will get it right this time? I doubt it. It hasn’t worked the last like 4 times I’ve tried but hey. But now I keep not hearing anything when I should have and it’s scaring me because I can’t not get it because I’ve been looking forward to it too much and I’m just all blah. I just want to stay in bed and sleep all day and not do anything with my life. That’s what I really want. I literally have no motivation to do just about anything no matter how important it is. Like this paper I haven’t started/read 4 pages of the book. I hate procrastinating but I can’t even put into words how fucking hard it is to build up the motivation to do anything. I have to be constantly distracted but anything and everything and it’s awful. I have 0% productivity. And I know most people would say just buckle down and do it but it’s not that fucking simple. I wish I could. I wish I had the willpower to. But I try and it’s exhausting and I’m just done with it all. I’m just done with everything. School, work, everything.
12:25:14 @ 4/20/2012